11 questions for a deeper connection
When dating, some of the hardest things is to get to know the other person on a deeper level. Usually, we focus a lot on what a person does for a living, instead of who they are and if you are compatible. Here we have gathered some questions that are good to have in your arsenal when it comes to getting to know someone.
1. Who was someone you really looked up to when you were little?
Kids are like sponges. They absorb almost everything around them. To become a part of the world around them, kids need social models that they can copy. The simplest version is when an adult says a curse word, and the kid repeats it. A more complicated one is when kids admire somebody so much they adopt their values and goals in life. In adulthood, we realize life is not just what we want it to be, and the struggle begins. Yet, the people we looked up when we were young, are still part of who we are. Or what we are not anymore. With this question, you can learn about the person’s aspirations, battles, and prospects.
2. Who inspires you? Who do you aspire to be like?
This also helps you to find out your date’s aspirations and goals. But, it relates to this moment, to the person your date is and wants to be at that moment. Not everyone can name a specific person, and in that case, you can ask, what kind of people inspire them and in what way. Another extra question could be “What kind of people or accounts you follow on social media for inspiration?”.
3. Is there a movie, documentary or book that really changed the way you thought about something?
Discussing the latest thing you have read or seen, is a nice way to get to know the other person. With friends, we talk a lot about things we saw or read, liked or hated. But with a date, try to discuss what actually affected your judgment. It’s a great chance to learn about yourself and others if all parties are comfortable with a small debate. Notice, that for some it’s an easy question to answer to, for some, it takes time to digest.
4. What is one day you would love to relive?
Memories make up the person who we are. The moments we want to relive, tell about what kind of memories we hold dear and would like to have in the future. It’s also a fun question to be asked about. And remember, the answer to this question is not to be evaluated or judged.
5. What should I know about you that I’d never think to ask about?
We all have tried to direct the discussion into a way that allows us to tell something we are dying to say. You will save both of your time if you directly ask what they want to tell about themselves. This question can also surprise the other, and inspire to tell something spontaneous. Also, it’s likely to bounce back to you, allowing you to share something about yourself.
6. What is the one thing in your life that you are not doing that you wish you were?
As said before, life is not only what we want it to be. As it is important to ask what people do, it’s also essential to ask what they would do if they made all the calls. The person you are meeting can turn out to be very different when you ask where they wish to be. People can also be happy with where they are and be doing the thing they wish to. All in all, this question can give a hint where the person is in their life.
7. What do you want to be known for?
In the digital age, almost everyone wants to be famous. We want to feel acknowledged, appreciated and accepted. And we assume that if everyone sees us, we will feel all those things. Yet the people whose acceptance we need is not reached with fame. The most crucial acceptance we need comes from our partners. This question reveals the things your date is proud of and needs to be acknowledged.
8. What is something about you that would surprise me?
At the end of the day, the funny, crazy and silly things are the ones that make us fall in love (or run away). The answer to this one can surprise you in a good or in a bad way, but it’s a risk you should take.
9. If I asked your friends about you, what would they say?
This is a goldmine. Friends are the ones that stick with us voluntarily. They have to have some reasons for it. Also if you think yourself through your friends, it allows you to be more objective. Maybe even more honest and in some cases, more positive. Not all are good with first impressions, and this question can help you to see the person behind the curtains. If somebody asked me this question, I would tell some funny and annoying things too. It shows honesty and capability of self-reflection.
10. Work, Sleep, Family, Fitness, or Friends. Pick three.
We all have our priorities, and they tell a lot about us. This is a simple question, that can spark a lot of talking. You don’t need to agree on everything or have the same priorities, but it helps if you know and understand each other’s priorities. The choices you give can be adjusted to things you think are relevant. The list of work, sleep, family, fitness or friends is called as the entrepreneur’s dilemma by Randi Zuckerberg.
11. What could you teach me?
We spend thousands of hours on our interests, and we don’t do it just to enjoy our skills alone. We love to share it. So why not to ask your date to share their talent or interest? It’s also satisfying when people want to take part in something important to you. This questions will give the answer to what the person thinks they are good and confident at. It can also be the next thing you do if you decide to have another date.
And after asking all these questions, just show this photo:
– Isabelle & Ella