How to succeed on a first date

 In tacticaltuesday

First of all, there are no 100% guarantee tricks to make your first date a success. There are so many things which affect the date that there is no way you can control it all. Timing is one of them. You meet an awesome person, have so much fun, and picture your future together the second after the date is over. But, afterward, your date announces that (s)he had a great time, but is not ready to commit.

Or you might have been that person yourself. And when you finally have felt ready to commit, you have had to realize that the other person is already taken. And your train is long gone.

But there definitely are some do’s and don’ts that can help you to make the best out of your first date. According to research, there are some differences between men and women in what makes them perceive the date more attractive. Whether you are interested in the same or other sexes, doesn’t play a role.

Don’t shake hands when you meet

For women, shaking hands when you meet, is a turn-off. People differ in the amount of touch they are comfortable with. If you feel comfortable letting people come close and not need a huge personal space, you should rather hug than shake hands with your date. A hug is also a great way to make a first impression if you perceive touch as an important part of relationships. Both smell and touch play a role in the process of attraction. A hug can make your date attracted right away if the chemicals are in your favor. We smell pheromones – hormone-like chemicals that impact our behavior and can increase the production of hormones – and certain types of pheromones attract certain people. A smell can create a spell that will boost your date from the beginning to the very end.

Communicate the things you have in common

In general, talking about yourself is appealing for men, but not for women. Women are more attracted if the date mostly talks about them, discusses both of you, and maintains a lively conversation. But when we consider the individual differences as well, it is not that simple anymore.

Communication is successful when all parties feel heard, understood and appreciated. When meeting new people, pay attention to their communication styles and preferences. And try to take them into account. Some people are better at telling about themselves, while others need to be — more or less – interrogated. But, communication is a two-way street, and if you succeed you succeed together and if you fail, you fail together.

Women find a date who focuses on the things you share more attractive, and that is a pro tip for us all. Already before a date, we should know things we have in common with the date to have some topics to discuss. Focusing on the differences between you and your date is a downer.  You shouldn’t concentrate on proving the other (or yourself) why you wouldn’t make a great couple. There are always differences between people. On first dates, the goal should be to find a person whose similarities overcome the differences. It’s better to begin with the similarities and deal with the differences later 😉

Listen, show attention and interest, and make your date feel understood and appreciated

A no-go for women is the date talking about past relationships. Men did not report it to affect their attraction. If you are on a date, the expectation is that you are looking to the future. It would be wise to avoid talking about exes. But if they play an important role in your current life, then you should bring it on the table. As long as you feel comfortable about it.

One of the wisest things I have ever heard about listening is about sharing your own story. You know, the other shares something with you. That reminds you of something similar that has happened to you, and you feel the urge to share it. But as my friend has said, there is a thin line between supporting the other’s story and making it about yourself. Your intention might be to support the other by indicating “it has happened to me too“. But, the other might feel that you are downplaying their experience. You end up suggesting “your experience is not that special, get over with it“.

If you like your date and want to make it more than one date, the safest bet is to listen , show interest and attention. Make your date feel understood and appreciated. Snappy comments and questions can tell more about you than self-talk. And if you are afraid of the flow of conversation, it might serve you better to have an activity during the date. Not just sit and talk.

Be open about the costs of the date

Next, we have the costs of the date. Women prefer if the date pays for the meal and men if the date offers to split the cost of the meal. 🆘colliding interests. For some reason, I try to avoid other people paying for my meals. What I have learned, is that some people enjoy paying for other people’s meals.

None specific gender is longer obliged to take care of the bill. Open discussion works with this one also. Whichever you prefer, sharing or paying, be open about it. If the other insist paying, be thankful. In case the other wants to share, share. But, if you insist the other person should pay, then you should make it clear before the date or just suck your disappointment and pay the half.💸

Be genuine. Love is not a strategy game

Women and men also differ in their preferences for contact after the date. Men report being more attracted if the date doesn’t initiate contact but responds to them right away. Women are more attracted if the date hugs or kisses goodbye, and contacts them a few hours later. Women also report being less attracted if the date doesn’t initiate contact. Or respond within a decent amount of time.

If you google “when to contact after a first date” you get more than 2 billion results in a half a second. Still, none of them suits all the people you go on a date with. But I will tell you this. You need a strategy when you play a strategy game or build a business to cut the risks of losing. But when it comes to people, dating, and love, you shouldn’t have too much to lose. Authenticity, being genuine, is one of the most appreciated qualities in people and relationships. If you trust more on a strategy or a rule than your own instinct, you won’t come off as genuine.

Nonverbal communication – such as facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, how we position ourselves and touch – is often seen the more significant, more truthful source of intentions than words. Thus, a touch on a shoulder, the distance between you, a hug, or a kiss, state the level of your attraction. And future intentions. Then again, you might rush into something your date is not prepared for. Altogether, you just need to read the person and the moments you share together and act according. Easy, right?

No tricks will make up for the state of your mind and life

To conclude, the best and most valuable weapon to make your first date a success, is the state of your mind and life. Your mood is the catchiest of them all. If you are content with yourself and your life, your date and everyone else within a mile can see and feel it.  Also, you are more likely to see your date as a success even if it won’t lead to anywhere. The outcome does not affect you that much, because you already have the things in your life to feel happy. Remember, to love somebody, you need to love yourself first (a cliche wouldn’t be cliche if there was no truth in it).  We don’t need to — actually we can’t — make every date count, but we can try to embrace the memories we make.

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